A new year, when we sometimes think about old things, especially when going through stuff after moving. Here is something I posted on a forum a few years ago, when I was still in Chicago.
I have mentioned my European non-girlfriend in a few posts.
She will be leaving in a few weeks for her home country. She will be gone for three weeks and back in January.
A couple of other guys in our social circle have gotten more friendly with her, and I admit that makes me upset.
But I still think she plans on eventually going back to her home country. In one conversation she said that eventually she would go back. Another person said, “You don’t have to go back”, and she said that does.
Her parents are getting older. Her mother has trouble walking. Her father has said that he might only have ten years left. One of her brothers is severely autistic. He lives in an institution, and I do not think he recognizes her.
I don’t think she really wants to go back to her home country. I do not think she is truly choosing it. I think she is acquiescing to a trajectory for her life that she does not really want. Granted, when your family is in bad shape, it can be hard to walk away from all of that.
Plus she is not too happy at her job. And even though she has been here ten years she is no closer to becoming eligible for citizenship due to the type of visa she has.
If/when she goes back, she will take care of her parents. Eventually her parents will die. After that, who will be around for her?
I have the urge to tell her that I wish she would change her mind, even though I know she won’t. I get the feeling that she did not say no to me because of something that she wants, but because of something she does not want. I know this sounds selfish, but that bothers me.
Looking back, there were times I thought we were on the same wavelength, and there were times when I felt I did not know her well at all.
Image from Perry-Castañeda Library Map Collection, assumed allowed under Fair Use.